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Odin Allfather: God of Parenting

  • Odin:

    Now, young children of mine, here's all the reasons why frost giants are evil, nasty, terrible creatures who don't deserve to live. Not even a little bit.

  • Thor:

    Cool! I'm gonna kill them all when I grow up to be king!

  • Loki:

    Me too!

  • Odin:

    You guys rock. By the way, I'm not going to tell you flat-out that Thor gets the throne - let's just say you were both born to be kings. Yes. Seems best.

  • - LATER ON -

  • Loki:

    Jesus Christ, Thor is just fucking shit up left right and center.

  • Thor:

    LOOOOL HAMMER WAR THUMP WEE!

  • Loki:

    Good thing we're equals, and all. Both born kings, and all. BOTH ASGARDIANS, AND ALL.

  • Friends of Thor:

    Shut up, Loki, you're just jealous and want Thor's throne.

  • Loki:

    ...I kind of never said that.

  • Loki:

    By the way, can anyone tell me why I'm blue?

  • - SO AFTER THOR GETS SENT TO EARTH -

  • Odin:

    Son, you're adopted.

  • Loki:

    WHAT.

  • Odin:

    Also you're a frost giant.

  • Loki:

    WHAT.

  • Odin:

    Of course, I may have raised you to hate frost giants...

  • Loki:

    WHY DID YOU KIDNAP ME AND PRETEND I WASN'T A DIFFERENT SPECIES?

  • Odin:

    Um, political reasons.

  • Loki:

    SO WHEN YOU SAID WE'D BOTH BE KINGS...

  • Odin:

    I meant of a frosty, nasty planet you've only been to once while trying to attack your, um, cousins.

  • Loki:

  • Odin:

    Not that that'll ever happen, now that Thor's gone and fucked shit up.

  • Loki:

  • Odin:

    So you don't really have a use, now, and you're not even really Asgardian, so...

  • Loki:

  • Odin:

    Yeah. Probably should have told you sooner, eh?

  • Loki:

    YOU-

  • Odin:

    Odinsleep!

  • Loki:

    GODDAMMIT.

  • Loki:

    YOU'RE THE WORST DAD EVER, YOU KNOW THAT.

  • Loki:

    SHIT YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY DAD.

  • Loki:

    YOU PROBABLY KILLED MY DAD.

  • Loki:

    GOD.

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